I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
