I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
