Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
