fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
