Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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