is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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