If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
