John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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