You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
