I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize