woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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