my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
