I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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