i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize