"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
