It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize