Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize