i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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