God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
