It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
