I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
