it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
try to milk me bitch
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