He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
