THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
