The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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