i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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