Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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