If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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