Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
