Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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