i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
