i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
