I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
