I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize