my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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