just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Randomize
