I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
