He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
