So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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