You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
