What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
