Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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