he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
