I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
