my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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