I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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