my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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