I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
