How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
