About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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