Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
