Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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