It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
