Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
