I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
