You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
