i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
