How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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