i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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