don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
being pregnant is like rehab
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
