Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Found the puke drawer
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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