and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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