you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
