Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
