you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
