using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
