Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
