One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
