if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
