Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
