Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
