hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize