HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
