We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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