That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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