I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
