whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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